Soul searching after losing myself

Mother's Day had me reflecting on my journey to creating Supported Soul because becoming a mom has everything to do with how this company was born.

The Dark

When my husband Sam and I brought our son home from the hospital, I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do, my hormones were crashing down, and I couldn’t stop crying. Not to mention the physical pain from delivering by c-section. It hurt to laugh, to sit, to stand, and to walk. I couldn’t meet the expectations I had for myself as a mother, which brought on a lot of guilt. I had anxiety about leaving my baby for any amount of time and experienced panic attacks when I would go out in public with him. Breastfeeding wasn’t going as planned, and I was trying to pump constantly, which was draining the life out of me. I was getting even less rest than the small amount new motherhood usually affords us. All the joy of having a new baby was being destroyed. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and trapped. I felt like I had completely lost myself.

A Glimmer

It wasn’t until I took my son to a nearby medical clinic for a diaper rash that things started to turn around. The doctor who treated the rash saw something in me that I wasn’t able to - I was depressed. I had been so immersed in how the baby felt that I hadn’t paid attention to how I was feeling. But the truth was that I was miserable, and I resented my new life. I wanted to go to yoga, get my nails done, and take a nap, but I couldn’t do anything I wanted anymore. I also felt like a failure because breastfeeding wasn’t working out no matter how hard I tried. The doctor suggested that I try feeding my son formula so I would be able to focus on myself more; I would be able to take an antidepressant and not worry about it affecting my baby. I was in such a dark place, I was willing to do anything rather than continue on the path I was on.

The Light

There was such a sense of relief after that moment. I no longer felt the weight of not being able to provide enough food for my son. We both began to sleep more and feel happier. I could take walks along the seawall and be present in the moment without my anxiety. I felt like I could take breaks from being with my son and return to some of the activities that fueled my passion for living. And so, I found my way back to yoga class. Removing myself from everything for just a couple of hours improved my mental state immensely. I gave myself permission to kept going back to yoga class. The conscious movements and mental stillness on my mat reset my mindset and illuminated all the blessings in my life.

Something New Was Born

When our second son came, the sleep deprivation and my high expectations of myself led me back into a dark place. Once again, yoga was a great support for me, but what I hadn’t figured out yet was that not having a creative outlet in my life was also contributing to my depression. I had loved being in the dynamic fashion industry, being exposed to new designs, and being ahead of fashion trends. Now I was hanging out in gymnasiums and singing in circle time, and it wasn’t making me fulfilled.

I began to look for a new job. After a series of events (another blog post needed for that whole story!) I became determined to start my own company instead. I zeroed in on yoga because I knew first hand its healing power, and I wanted to motivate others to take time for their yoga practice, too. The name Supported Soul came to me when I was in legs-up-the-wall pose in a yin class. Laying there, I thought about how my mat supported me physically and how my yoga practice supported me mentally through the most difficult times in my life. My yoga practice has allowed me to move forward with a positive outlook, has made me more aware, and I am better mother because of it.

With Supported Soul, I offer beautiful and functional yoga mats with the hope that my mats will motivate people to take time to reconnect with themselves, to shift their energy, and to support their soul through yoga. Seeing people practice on my mats fills me up, and I hope it is doing the same for each and every customer.

If you have a story to share about yoga supporting your soul, or your Supported Soul yoga mat motivating your practice, I would love to hear about it!

Leave a note in the comments or email me at nicole@supportedsoul.com.